Fearless Predictions For 2016

Dec 30, 2015

Okay, dear readers, here are my fearless predictions for the coming year. I offer them every year with the following warnings. Some of them predict things that I don’t want to see happen so I offer them to put the evil eye on them. Then sometimes I offer predictions that I don’t necessarily think will happen but I want to make them self-fulfilling prophecies. Finally, there are those that I really think will happen. As always, it is up to you to figure out which is which.

So here we go: 

Two members of the New York State Assembly and two Senators will be arrested by U.S. Attorney Preet Bharara. The U.S. Attorney will send out a tweet with the most feared words at the Capitol, “Stay tuned.” 

A WAMC staff member will become the proud parent of a beautiful child. The child will be given a biblical name and will be showered with gifts. 

A tactical meeting will have to be held by the front office staff and the news division to try to find more space for all the awards that keep coming to WAMC. Our wonderful news director, Ian Pickus, will be heard to say, “Maybe we should stop accepting these honors.” 

WAMC will get a proposal to make the first two hours of the Roundtable a nationally distributed show. The panel will be the first hour and Joe Donahue’s wonderful nationally renowned book and celebrity interviews will be featured in the second hour. All the wonderful local interviews that the Roundtable has conducted will be featured in the third hour. 

Jessica Bloustein Marshall, our Assistant News Director is a nationally ranked figure skater. She is so good that I predict she will win the U.S. National Adult competition this year. Despite temptations to tour with national ice skating shows, she will stand firm in her commitment to stay at WAMC at considerable cost to herself and her family. 

WAMC will receive a substantial million-dollar donation. The donor will be a transgender woman who heard a Medical Monday program featuring a doctor who specialized in providing health care for transgender clients. She will tell us of her feelings of despondency and thoughts of suicide and how everything changed for her when she met with the doctor. Simply put, the note with huge donation will read, “To my radio station, for saving my life.” 

WAMC will have its first ever million dollar two day fund drive. The locked box will be stuffed with $700,000 dollars. 

Garrison Keillor will come out of retirement again saying, “No one is as good at this as I am.” He will be right. 

Ralph Nader and Al Gore, both starving for publicity and recognition, will start talk of third party candidacies.  

Donald Trump will announce that he is opposed to any public radio subsidies. He’ll say, “The last thing that we need to spend money on is a bunch of limousine liberals, many of whom are probably secret Muslims.” 

Alan will announce an absolute ban on bringing chocolate chip cookies to the front office. 

Two WAMC staff members will marry each other. 

The bus stop in front of WAMC will be swept away in a heavy wind. It will be seen as an act of God and therefore no one will wish to argue with the Almighty. 

There will be record underwriting sales of over five million dollars. We will hear from super sales people who will say, “I want to work with WAMC!” 

Alan Chartock will ask the FBI for his file. He’ll be motivated by the news that Pete Seeger’s file was hundreds of pages long.  When it comes, Alan will be upset. 

You, dear listeners, will have a healthy and happy holiday and a wonderful New Year!