Limericks

Dec 16, 2017
Originally published on December 16, 2017 1:24 pm
Copyright 2017 NPR. To see more, visit http://www.npr.org/.

MIKE PESCA, HOST:

Coming up, it's Lightning Fill In The Blank. But first, it's the game that goes aabba, limericks. If you'd like to play on the air, call or leave a message at 1-888-WAITWAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Or go to waitwait.npr.org and click on Contact Us, and that will enable you to contact us.

(LAUGHTER)

PESCA: While on that website, you can discover information about live shows at the Chase Bank Auditorium in Chicago and at our show in South Bend, Ind., on February 8.

Hi. You're on WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME.

LANIE JEWELL: Hello. This is Lanie calling from Sacramento.

PESCA: Hello, Lanie. How are you? What do you do there in Sacramento?

JEWELL: I'm a handwork teacher at a public Waldorf School.

PESCA: OK. What's - what do you mean by handwork teacher? What does that do?

JEWELL: We teach knitting, crocheting, sewing. We make puppets. We learn to use sewing machines.

TOM BODETT: Could you get a pit out of an avocado?

(LAUGHTER)

JEWELL: Could probably knit one, yeah.

PESCA: Lanie, welcome to the show.

JEWELL: Thank you.

PESCA: And here's how it goes. Bill Kurtis will read three limericks with the last word missing from each. You win the game by getting at least two of those three missing words. A hint for you, the answers often rhyme. OK. Here's the first limerick.

BILL KURTIS: You Anglos eat lactose with ease. But in Hong Kong, we say no more, please. These factory portions cause tummy distortion. We can't handle mountains of...

JEWELL: Cheese?

KURTIS: Yes, ma'am.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

PESCA: Cheese it is.

(APPLAUSE)

PESCA: This week, the Wall Street Journal reported on the first-ever Cheesecake Factory opening in Hong Kong. Despite the name, which includes the words cheese, cake and factory, the first customers were overwhelmed. Don't take the name literally, I guess, which is understandable. I mean, here in the U.S., we don't take Panda Express literally - I hope.

(LAUGHTER)

MO ROCCA: And the word factory...

PESCA: Factory, yes.

ROCCA: ...Like, has a sort of a troubling connotation there. A cheesecake factory - like, you think you're going to eat, but then you'll end up...

NEGIN FARSAD: Making cellphones.

ROCCA: Yes, exactly.

(LAUGHTER)

ROCCA: Yes, exactly.

PESCA: Lanie, here is your next limerick.

KURTIS: We speedskaters know what to do. To our flag's shade we need not be true. We could not get ahead when we skated in red because the world's fastest color is...

JEWELL: Blue?

KURTIS: Blue it is. Blue it is.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

PESCA: Blue, blue.

(APPLAUSE)

PESCA: Step aside, cross-country skiers. We have found a new Olympic sport to denigrate. According to an article published in The New York Times this week, Olympic speedskaters now believe that blue is the fastest color, which finally explains the decades-long success of the Chicago Cubs.

(LAUGHTER)

PESCA: Speedskaters from Norway, Germany and South Korea all say that blue bodysuits help them shave down their course times and also may help them save money on costumes when they join the Blue Man Group in the offseason.

(LAUGHTER)

PESCA: Here's your last limerick.

KURTIS: This nativity scene looks too wealthy. The wise men on Segways seem stealthy. On the roof, there's a drone. And out comes the phone 'cause Joseph is taking a...

JEWELL: Selfie?

PESCA: Selfie.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

PESCA: Yup.

(APPLAUSE)

PESCA: The Cathedral of Saint Peter in Belleville, Ill., is catching heat for its hipster nativity scene. Gone are beatific Mary and Joseph. Instead we see dad-bod Joe holding his phone out for a Christmas selfie with baby JC...

(LAUGHTER)

PESCA: ...And Mary in a flirty, fun off-the-shoulder top gives the peace sign and holds a Starbucks cup. As you can imagine, people are not happy. And who could blame them? I say it doesn't go far enough. The wise men are not locally sourced. The myrrh is not conflict-free. The frankincense isn't gluten-free. And the donkey is an actual donkey. It's not even a Tofonkey (ph).

(LAUGHTER)

PESCA: Bill, how did Lanie do on our quiz?

KURTIS: Lanie did very well. All three right - good girl.

PESCA: Excellent. Thank you, Lanie.

JEWELL: Thank you so much. It's been fun.

(SOUNDBITE OF TRANS-SIBERIAN ORCHESTRA'S "CHRISTMAS EVE (SARAJEVO 12/24)") Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.