Limericks

Dec 23, 2017
Originally published on December 23, 2017 12:12 pm
Copyright 2018 NPR. To see more, visit http://www.npr.org/.

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Coming up, it's Lightning Fill In The Blank. But first, it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-WAITWAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. You can click the Contact Us link on our website, waitwait.npr.org. There you can find out about attending our weekly live shows right here at the Chase Bank Auditorium in Chicago and our upcoming show in South Bend, Ind. Feb. 8. Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME.

JULIE WILKINS: Hi.

SAGAL: Hi. Who's this?

WILKINS: This is Julie Wilkins from Rochester, N.Y.

SAGAL: Hey. How are things in Rochester? We've been there.

WILKINS: It's pretty chilly.

SAGAL: Yeah, I know it gets that way in upstate New York. What do you do there?

WILKINS: I review human subjects research at a college.

SAGAL: Wait a minute. We talk about these kinds of human studies all the time that are done in colleges.

WILKINS: Yeah.

SAGAL: Yeah. And you think these are all valid scientifically?

WILKINS: The ones that I'm reviewing or the ones you're talking about?

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Let's just say all of them.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Well, welcome to the show, Julie. Bill Kurtis is going to perform for you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly in two of the limericks, you will be a winner. You ready to play?

WILKINS: Yeah.

SAGAL: Here's your first limerick.

BILL KURTIS: The nine on the bench all say, look, crook, at the menu the members all took looks. We could not find a meal with Supreme Court appeal. So the SCOTUS just wrote its own...

WILKINS: Cookbook.

SAGAL: Yes. Cookbook.

KURTIS: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: The Supreme Court cookbook. If you ever have looked at Ruth Bader Ginsburg or Stephen Breyer and thought, those guys look like fun...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: I wonder if they use all butter in their rugelach. Wonder no more. "Table For 9" is the new cookbook featuring recipes and stories from the Supreme Court. There's Neil Gorsuch's marmalade, a fish story from Stephen Breyer. And Clarence Thomas remembers the caramel toffee he ate in 1991 that forever glued his mouth shut. And, of course, classic Supreme Court recipes like Brown Gravy v. Board of Education.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: All right. Here is your next limerick.

KURTIS: At McDonald's in Finland and Swegen (ph), there's a food choice that's really intriguing. A sauce that's not fatty, atop a soy patty, a burger that's totally...

WILKINS: Vegan.

KURTIS: Vegan it is.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Yes, a vegan burger at McDonald's. Good news, vegans. Your second-most important wish has come true. You can eat at McDonald's. You still have to wait on getting a sense of humor, though.

(LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: The new McVegan sandwich is a meat- and dairy-free sandwich from McDonald's. It doesn't come in a Happy Meal. Instead, it comes as part of the new sullen and judgmental meal.

(LAUGHTER)

ALONZO BODDEN: It be great to bring that to the United States to see if they could sell one.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: That's right. The vegans I know would not go to McDonald's.

BODDEN: No.

SAGAL: But here's the scary thing. Think about it. McRib - made of ribs - McChicken sandwich - made of chicken.

BODDEN: Are they?

SAGAL: McVegan...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: I would tell the vegans to run, but their diet does not provide sufficient energy. So...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: All right. Here is your final limerick.

KURTIS: This oenophile now goes full throttle. I drink until I sound epiglottal. I don't sip and spit. No, I swill all of it from a glass that can hold half a...

WILKINS: Bottle.

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Research out this week finds that the average wine glass used today holds up to half a bottle of wine.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: And even worse, 70 percent of those glasses are inscribed with the phrase, it's wine o'clock somewhere.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: It seems a little shocking. But it's great news because the next time you have a whole bottle, you can tell somebody, no, it was just two glasses.

(LAUGHTER)

PETER GROSZ: So your average wine glass - if you poured it all the way up to the top...

SAGAL: Yeah.

GROSZ: Would be half a bottle of wine.

SAGAL: Yeah.

GROSZ: That's pretty awesome.

(LAUGHTER)

BODDEN: Is that surprising? Is that surprising, though? Because, like, a Super Big Gulp is - what? - like, 64 ounces.

SAGAL: That's right.

BODDEN: I mean, this is America.

SAGAL: Yeah.

BODDEN: Like, how did it take this long for the wine glass to get that big?

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Yeah. Bill, how did Julie do on our quiz?

KURTIS: Her human studies paid off. She got them all right.

SAGAL: Congratulations.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Well done, and thank you so much for playing.

WILKINS: Thank you.

(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "RED, RED WINE")

UB40: (Singing) Red, red wine goes to my head. Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.