Wait Wait...Don't Tell Me!
5:46 pm
Fri May 11, 2012

Who's Carl This Time?

Originally published on Sat May 12, 2012 11:25 am

Transcript

CARL KASELL: From NPR and WBEZ-Chicago, this is WAIT WAIT...DON'T TELL ME!, the NPR News quiz. I'm Carl Kasell, and here's your host, at the Chase Bank Auditorium in downtown Chicago, Peter Sagal.

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Thank you, Carl.

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Thank you everybody. Thank you, great to see you. Great to be back home in Chicago. We got a really exciting show for you today; we've got comedian and filmmaker Bobcat Goldthwaite coming on later to play our game. But first, it is Mother's Day this weekend, and I know, you forgot to get her anything.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Well, we are here at the last minute to save you. Just call us up, play our games, win Carl's voice for your mother's voicemail, and he can record something like this:

KASELL: Hello, it's your mother. I can't answer the phone right now because I died from shock the minute you called.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Done.

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: You're ready to go. That's a service we do for you. Give us a call, the number 1-888-Wait-Wait, that's 1-888-924-8924. It's to welcome our first listener contestant. Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT...DON'T TELL ME!

TEISHA-VONIQUE HOOD: Hello.

SAGAL: Well, hello.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Who's this?

HOOD: I am Teisha-Vonique Hood from Dallas, Texas.

SAGAL: Teisha-Vonique?

HOOD: Yes, Teisha-Vonique is my first name.

SAGAL: Teisha-Vonique, that's some first name.

MO ROCCA: That's awesome.

SAGAL: That's an awesome first name.

HOOD: Yes, it is.

ROCCA: Sounds delicious.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

HOOD: It is delicious.

SAGAL: To me, it sounds like very complimentary adjective. Like, oh wow, that dress, it is so Teisha-Vonique, you know what I mean?

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

HOOD: I love it.

SAGAL: With such a long first name, do you have a nickname?

HOOD: Teisha.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: All right, not very imaginative, but I'll take it. Welcome to our show. Teisha, if I may, let me introduce you to our panel this week. First, say hello to the woman behind the advice column Ask Amy and author of the memoir, "The Mighty Queens of Freeville," it's Amy Dickinson.

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)

AMY DICKINSON: Hi, Teisha.

HOOD: Hello.

SAGAL: Next, it's the television personality and a real life correspondent on CBS Sunday Morning, it's Mo Rocca.

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)

ROCCA: Hi, Teisha-Vonique.

SAGAL: Next, it's a humorist and author of the new audio book "It's Just Like I Told You: 25 Years of Comments and Comic Pieces." That's available at a download near you, Mr. Tom Bodett.

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)

TOM BODETT: Hello, Teisha.

SAGAL: Welcome to the show, Teisha. We're go going to be informal, Teisha and I. You're going to play Who's Carl This time. Carl Kasell is going to read you three quotations from this week's news. Your job: correctly identify or explain just two of them. Do that; you'll win our prize: Carl Kasell's voice on your home answering machine. You ready to go?

HOOD: Yes.

SAGAL: All right, your first quote is a tweet from Pee-Wee Herman.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

KASELL: Thank you, Mr. President, for standing up for equality. Yours Truly, Pee-Wee Herman-Clooney.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: That was Pee-Wee Herman, also known as Paul Ruebens, or should we say the new Mr. George Clooney, after President Obama's announcement that he is in fact in favor of what?

HOOD: Same-sex marriage.

SAGAL: Indeed, yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: For the last three years, President Obama has been very clear on his position about gay marriage: he was going to lie about it, until after he was reelected.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: But in the end, he made this historical announcement in an interview broadcast Wednesday afternoon, interrupting Tim Gunn, who was interviewing a fitness guru in a sleeveless tee.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: It was like Reagan calling for Gorbachev to tear down that wall during a commercial break on "Family Ties." See, the things is the White House had planned something bigger when he finally said what he thought. They were going to have Obama land on an aircraft carrier moored off Greenwich Village, in front of a banner saying Fabulousness Accomplished.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: But what happened - and I'm sure you all know this - is that Joe Biden let the cat out of his mouth.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: He went on "Meet the Press" last Sunday, and David Gregory asked him, well what do you think about gay marriage, and Biden was like, "Yup, you bet I'm for it. Why, David, I would marry you if there wasn't a table in the way."

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

ROCCA: I kept seeing this phrase everywhere in the paper. It said "Biden forced Obama's hand on gay marriage."

SAGAL: Yes.

ROCCA: Which I'm sort of uncomfortable with. He should have asked his hand.

DICKINSON: Exactly.

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Much more appropriate.

ROCCA: But I think this all started with the Olympics. I really do think it started with the - you know, synchronized same-sex diving, the synchronized diving.

DICKINSON: That's true.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

ROCCA: The pairs diving, that is really gay.

DICKINSON: Very.

SAGAL: It's fantastically gay.

BODETT: No, I think the original Olympics, when they ran naked from marathon to Sparta, I think that was...

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

BODETT: That was gay.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

ROCCA: And then there's figure skating.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

ROCCA: I rest my case.

SAGAL: All right, very good. Here is your next quote.

KASELL: "When you start with the word underwear, you expect the next word to be model."

SAGAL: That was Sawsan Kazak, a Kuwaiti writer, she was writing in the Kuwait Times. What was the word following underwear in a big story this week?

HOOD: Oh goodness. I've drawn a blank.

SAGAL: Really? Somewhat of an explosive story.

HOOD: Oh underwear bomb.

SAGAL: The underwear bomb, yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)

HOOD: A double agent.

SAGAL: Right, the double agent, that's it. The word first leaked last week that the US had prevented another underwear bomb attack on an airplane. But when exactly, and why wasn't the Obama Administration bragging about it, like they like to do? Because the bomber, it turns out, was a double agent. Whoever this guy was, he was amazing. He infiltrated Al Qaeda. He learned their secrets. He gained their trust.

BODETT: Well that's the thing that - I would love to have been in that recruitment meeting.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

BODETT: You know, we're going to get your family out of Yemen. We're going to take care of you. We're going to set you up in Paris. And all you got to do is wear the, you know, the exploding underpants.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

ROCCA: They really kept this thing under wraps. There's one person who clearly knew nothing about it: Joe Biden.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

DICKINSON: Otherwise, we'd all know.

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Just this week, because everybody was trying to find out who this amazing agent was. It turns out, he's British. All right, you know who it was. It was like James Bond starring on her majesty's secret underpants.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

BODETT: Was Q showing him through the shop and then there it is.

SAGAL: Exactly.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

BODETT: The tidy whities on the...

SAGAL: So, 007, boxers or briefs?

BODETT: This is watch is a missile launcher and your car can swim and then there's these.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: It must have made it a little more difficult for Bond to seduce the beautiful female terrorist though.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Oh no, dear, don't put your hands there. No, really.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

ROCCA: I am happy to see you, but that's a bomb.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: All right, here Teisha, is your last quote.

KASELL: "Sarkozy Comes Up Short"

SAGAL: That was a headline about Nicolas Sarkozy, once again coming up short. This time in what?

HOOD: The presidential campaign or election.

SAGAL: Yes, in France, very good. Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: That was right, you got it.

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Like many things on his kitchen shelves, a second term turned out to be beyond Nicolas Sarkozy's reach.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

DICKINSON: Oh, what are we going to do without him?

SAGAL: That's a good question. The French people didn't like Sarkozy's austerity program, and this is true: they thought he was rude. They thought he was rude.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

DICKINSON: Imagine.

SAGAL: They thought he was rude and arrogant. And that did not bother Sarkozy at all. He was just happy somebody for once thought he was looking down on them.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

BODETT: When the French people think you're being rude and arrogant.

ROCCA: I know, that's bad.

DICKINSON: Wow.

SAGAL: That's true.

BODETT: You've got a problem. But, you know, the best revenge they say is to live well. So this guy is going to retire into the French countryside with Carla Bruni.

SAGAL: Right. And he'll spend his time...

BODETT: So have your fun, Peter.

SAGAL: Yes, exactly. He will be very happy. He'll spend his time standing around in gardens.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Mr. Sarkozy is being replaced by a socialist president named Francois Hollande. He is known, and this is true, by his nickname Monsieur Flanby, or Mr. Pudding.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: An observer said that's because of quote, the softness of his manner, and his indecision, unquote. Oh, by the way, that observer, the mother of his four children.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: How do you have four children if you're made of pudding? Observers believe that Mr. Pudding was put over the top by the last minute endorsement from Bill Cosby.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: It's great pudding.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Carl, how did Teisha do?

KASELL: She did very well, Peter, three correct answers. So, Teisha, I'll be doing the message on your voicemail or answering machine.

HOOD: All right.

SAGAL: Congratulations.

HOOD: Thank you.

SAGAL: Well done.

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)

ROCCA: Great job, Teisha-Vonique.

SAGAL: Thanks so much for playing and bye-bye.

HOOD: Bye.

(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC) Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright National Public Radio.