If you’ve ever driven the Taconic State Parkway, and I do frequently, a reasonable argument can be made that the State of New York should offer medals of valor to motorists and their vehicles that survive the experience intact. I’m thinking in particular of what I long ago, in a Wall Street Journal story, dubbed the “Wall of Death”. I take no credit for creativity; the terrifying feature named itself. The soaring sheer stone face, coming soon after the parkway transitions from three spacious modern lanes of traffic to two claustrophobic strips that harken back to the thoroughfare’s Depression Era origins, is sufficient to challenge the self-confidence of even the most seasoned driver.
Especially in the rain. And with other vehicles passing you on a curve. And your spouse shouting at you to slow down. And were that not sufficient to rattle you, awaiting just at the bottom of this treacherous stretch of tarmac is a speed trap where New York State troopers are only too eager to pick off any motorist that the walls and curves haven’t gotten first.
This is all a rather longwinded way of stating that if you survive the ordeal there’s probably a pretty good chance that you have a full bladder and your mind is wandering to bathroom options. In that regard I’d like to give a shout out to at least one gas station just off the road.
It’s the Mobil station on Bryant Pond Road, perhaps the first exit heading northbound after the parkway narrows. There are those who would accuse anybody already needing a bathroom break of being quitters but there’s a good chance that if you’re driving up from New York City, especially on a Friday night, you may have already stewed in traffic for a harrowing hour or two by the time you reach that point.
The Mobil station had three reasonably well cleaned unisex bathrooms (two outdoors and one indoors) as well as a well-stocked convenience store. It would be wrong amid the pressures and responsibilities of the holiday season to presume too much on your time; but I have decided views on whether it’s fair to use the opposite sex’s facilities if those of your assigned sex are unavailable at stores and restaurants that still distinguish between the two. I’ll save that for another day.
But if you can hold out long enough to reach the Taste of New York market at Todd Hill in Dutchess County you’re in for a refreshing new treat. I’m not referring to the abundant product selection from local merchants — pastry and sandwiches, cheese and honey — but to the comfort facilities. And, boy, have they taken their sweet time in coming!
When the shop opened in 2014 it included two modern bathrooms with futurist all-in-one sinks, soap dispensers and hand dryers. I don’t know why, or exactly when, the staff designated only themselves worthy of such conveniences. But the traveling public was relegated to a platoon of portable toilets, while a separate structure devoted exclusively to the welfare of Taconic Parkway travelers and boasting, count ‘em, eight separate bathrooms, was under construction.
I lost consciousness of how long it took them to be completed. Felt like decades but it was probably two plus painful years. The sign promising completion soon started to feel like an inside joke. In the meantime, intrepid travelers were directed to those unheated outdoor Port-O-Sans. As such things go they weren’t all that bad. But portable toilets that get emptied but once a week are by definition a journey into the underside of the human experience and best avoided.
Yet, dare I say it, the new bathrooms, opened in November, were almost worth the wait. They’re spacious, heated and include diaper-changing tables, walls of a calming blue hue, and both natural and artificial light. I don’t want to jinx it but thus far none of the accommodations has been defaced by graffiti. I’d like to think that’s due to a couple of factors. The typical person capable of tackling the Taconic isn’t just an adept driver but also a serious soul, an environmentalist, the kind of upright citizen who leaves a National Park carrying out one more piece of litter than he or she brought in.
The other reason is that the new bathrooms are just so darn attractive that only hoodlums would deface them and most of those people prefer the New York State Thruway anyway. I suppose it’s only a matter of time until these totems of civic pride, rare proof of your tax dollars at good work, go the way of most public conveniences not located in some well-behaved Scandinavian country; riddled with political graffiti, bathroom humor, etc. So enjoy them while you can.
Remarkably, they’re open every day from 10 am to 9 pm. And just for esteemed listeners of this radio station here’s an inside tip: four of the bathrooms are located around the back of the structure, or the front if you’re going southbound, and most people remain unaware of them as of [‘yet. And if there’s anything better than a brand new bathroom it’s one shining a bright green vacant sign. If that’s not in the holiday spirit I don’t know what is.
Ralph Gardner Junior is a journalist who divides his time between New York City and Columbia County. More of his work can be found in the Berkshire Eagle and on Substack.
The views expressed by commentators are solely those of the authors. They do not necessarily reflect the views of this station or its management.
